Who knew? Okay, I am going to do my best not to be snarky about this quote and other material posted on the An Helpmeet For Him blog. I guess there is a constituency for this kind of thinking. But it does give me a good lead-in to this topic! See how neat that was?
The thing about ministers is that they are, in general, people whose whole lives are about being emotionally available. Add to that their standing as public figures, community leaders and generally admirable people, and you can see why other people covet what is yours. If it hasn’t happened yet, it is probably only a question of time — someone will make your minister an offer he or she will be tempted to consider.
Dear friends, talk about this with your minister. Don’t be caught by surprise, and help him or her come up with some kind but clear responses. Don’t stick your head in the sand.
And ask your minister to develop some workable policies in this area. Like, no meetings with potential amorous partners in otherwise empty offices. No one-on-one travel with said individuals (and especially no hotel room sharing!). No physical contact with people who might think it means something different from what it really means. You get the drift.
This stuff can come out of the blue, and the potential damage to the ministry is enormous. Among other things, a rebuffed offer can lead to false accusations of inappropriate behavior on the minister’s part. People do funny things when they are rejected.
So talk about this now. Your partner needs to know that you are aware and supportive on this issue.
June 4, 2007 at 12:32 am
Parslife,
Although I admire your desire to be snark-free, I would enjoy hearing more of your thoughts on an Help Meet for Him .
My sense is that even among conservative Christians, the number of women who would take this site’s advice seriously is relatively small.
For example, the author advises:
“If you are required to spend time alone with a man (i.e. in an office) consider changing jobs/ministries.”
There are many socially-conservative Christian women who work outside the home, and I find it very hard to believe they quit their jobs every time they have to be alone in the same room with a man.
This site and its advice illustrate why we need more liberal religious blogs that address issues of sexuality and give advice on building healthy marriages in a way that is applicable to people’s real lives (rather than raising a completely undesirable and unrealistic model of spousal behavior).
June 4, 2007 at 12:49 am
Dearest Shelby, the greatest flattery for a blogger is to be asked to pontificate further!
I concur with your assessment of her advice as being unrealistic. All that does is encourage people to hide the truth of their existence for fear of being judged wanting.
So here is a promise to return to some of the issues she raises as they pertain to the life of ministers’ partners! And to remain snark-free…
June 5, 2007 at 12:38 am
Well, I am hoping for the snark…but sincerity does go a long way.
I was struck reading An Helpmeet for Him by how much she doesn’t seem to trust others (or maybe herself). For example, cc’ing her husband on all correspondence with the opposite sex. That seems peculiar.
June 5, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Be careful how you judge someone that is trying hard to do things in an open way. If she is cc’ing e-mails, she’s doing it because she loves her husband and wants to be transparent. Keep her motives in mind, and treat her with respect.
I know of some people that subscribe to a service that sends the websites that you visit to your spouse for accountability. While some women would not understand where people can end up on the net, doing a few things in prevention can stop a world of hurt later.