Like most things, this was easier with our son. The culture has not, as yet, made it the norm to dress boys in revealing, provocative clothing. If I could keep the kid clean and reasonably well-matched, I called it a job well done.

My poor daughter has been struggling for the last three years to find cool but modest clothing to wear in the shops, however. She has a natural reticence about showing off her body (this is a good thing in pre-teens), but she enjoys being hip and up to date. (Sheesh, I’m sure showing my age with THAT slang, aren’t I?) As her mother, I have an interest in keeping her dressed (to my mind) appropriately. Which means, not provocatively or suggestively. Just for the record, her father has stayed out of the whole issue as long as she doesn’t look like a street person.

She has now graduated to the Miss and Junior sizes, and hoo-boy! Just TRY finding something in those sizes that doesn’t look like pole-dancing wear! So I have been doing some thinking about how to define what is appropriate for her, and how to teach her good body sense in the face of cultural messages to the contrary. It became clear to me, on reflection, that her standing as the minister’s daughter does factor in here.

As liberal UUs, we don’t have a lot of pressure to impose a modesty code on our young people — although sometimes I wish we did… (Did I say that out loud?) I mean, you aren’t going to see a lot of these at the UU church year-end outing. But there is no doubt in my mind that people will see my daughter’s dress and behavior as a reflection on her father, and I do pay attention to that. I don’t know, maybe I am wrong that people care. But I don’t think so.

For what it is worth, then, here is my working list of “there is no WAY you are going out of the house in that”:

1. Clothing that does not meet in the middle, including when the hands are raised over the head

2. Clothing that does not pass the “bend” test. If I see more than I want to see of your back end or underwear when you bend over, put on a belt or get a different size.

3. Clothing that creates a cleavage on a young teen.

4. Sexy or offensive slogans on any article of clothing.

5. Anything with writing on the posterior (who thought THAT was a good idea?)

6. Anything with visible brand markings (that’s just my refusal to do free marketing)

7. Anything that looks like underwear or pajamas.

8. If Jenna Jameson would wear it, my young teen daughter won’t.

At the moment, my daughter and I are on the same page with this stuff. Wonder how long that will last…

The next big challenge is coming right around the bend of course — dating. There is no question but that my daughter is going to be a major boy magnet (insert sound of mother slapping forehead here). And which boys will she meet the most? You got it. The sons of my husband’s congregants.

We ducked the bullet on this one with our son since there were not a lot of young ladies of the right age in the congregation my husband served at the time, and none that my son was interested in. Whew!

So, just pondering this issue at this point, and frankly hoping that she falls madly in love with the son of the local rabbi…