Peacebang, bless her soul, wrote recently about her understanding of the need for the clergy partner to meet a certain dress standard. In her observations she included a number of suggestions for how she thinks congregations ought to deal with errant partners who are just not making the grade on the appearance front.
Peacebang notes that people have opinions about the relative merits of the ministerial partner’s appearance. Absolutely – we all are subjected to others’ opinions on that topic. But the notion that the church or its members have any call to say ANYTHING to the partner about his or her appearance is so breathtakingly outrageous that I just had to address it.
The day the church pays my salary is the day they can suggest a dress code. Short of that, what I wear is my business. Think my skirts are too short? Okay, but look the other way if it offends you. You wish I looked more professional when out about town because everyone knows what church my husband works for?! You’re kidding, right? My sweat pants on Sunday morning are a problem for you? Fine, let me tell you my opinion of your sloppy shorts and T-shirt, neither of which I think are appropriate attire for anyone over the age of 12. Are we all happy now?!
Seriously, folks, if anyone from the church has the temerity to comment on your appearance as it reflects on the church, I hope you feel perfectly comfortable telling that person in no uncertain terms that they have majorly violated your personal boundaries. This would be something to take up with your minister ASAP, who needs to consult with the church’s powers that be and educate them about exactly where their authority ends.
Okay, end of rant.
So does Peacebang have a point? Could your appearance impact your partner’s ministry? Sure it could, for many of the reasons Peacebang outlines. So is it worth your while to pay attention to this issue? I would agree with her that it is. At a minimum, neat, clean and modestly covered ought to be your goal. Leave the tight jeans and low-cut tops for dates with the minister (and how kinky is THAT?! You get to play “private counseling session” with the person-of-the-cloth with no repercussions!) But you don’t need to make your lady bits or manly attributes a general topic of conversation in the congregation.
Likewise, make an effort to be presentable and respectful of the organization when you are clearly in attendance as the minister’s significant other. Your appearance reflects on him/her, so make sure it’s a nice “shine”.
